EAST COAST CRITICS ARE BIASED: A THOROUGH TAKE ON HIP-HOP, POLITICS, AND POPULAR CULTURE
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
If You Can Make It Rain, Buy Her A Drank, And Got Stacks On Deck, Then Can Your Black Ass Please Tip The Waiter More Than 6%?
An anonymous friend ("AF") once told me a story concerning the events of one of her infamous dates. AF and this dude went to a Maggianos-type restaurant (read: somewhat pricey) and were having a nice time. AF goes on to say that throughout the course of the meal, her date kept pointing out the waitress' "attitude" and mentioning how "he didn't like that shit." After running up a healthy bill, dude paid for the meals, but, decided to leave NO tip. In response, said waitress walked out of the restaurant behind them and asked what the "no tip" was all about; in essence, she wanted to know what she did wrong. Dude goes onto say that, "If you want a tip, here's a tip -- Don't piss on fresh white snow." Whatever that means....
Nevertheless, when AF told me that story, I laughed my ass off, as did she. I laughed because at the time, I was only 13-years-old -- in no position to be going out to restaurants without an adult accompanying me. Hell, reflecting back, I used to laugh at all kinds of "no-tip" stories. I remember listening to Ryan Cameron one morning tell the story of an acquaintance of his that used to leave waiters nine pennies -- with a note on the receipt that would say, "Yo service ain't worth a dime...." Other stories included people giving the waiters "tips" on what they needed to do; i.e. "A tip for yo ass would be to bring my food out before you bring out the food to those mothafuckas over there that came in after me." Needless to say, 150% of these "no-tip" stories involved Black people.
Yet, typical with my people, are the typical excuses -- such as, "Why am I supposed to pay that bitch's salary? If she wanted a job with guaranteed money, then she shouldn't have become a waitress." Or, "I left that bitch something, when I didn't have to leave her ass anything, so she better keep her mouth shut about wanting more." Then, my favorite, "So she's gonna sit up here and treat us like shit and then expect some shit in return? Fuck that bitch." Well, has it ever occurred to Black people why we get treated like shit in restaurants more often than not? The one thing universal to all of these situations -- rather an appropriate tip is left, a marginal tip is left, or no tip at all -- is that Black people really get "worked up" when it comes to the concept of "the tip." From what I hear, waiters have understood this dilemma since the beginning of waiting on Black people (especially young Black people)....
Even though I've never been a waiter, I know enough to know that waiters are a close-knit group of people -- and that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why. If humans love anything, they love money, and they love food; two objects that are a necessity for survival on this planet. Nowhere, except maybe in a grocery store, do food and money come more into play than in a restaurant (and to the grocery store comment, just think about all of the conflict that you've witnessed, or maybe even engaged in, up in there). Waiters are at the forefront of people's "last nerves" -- especially hungry people's last nerves. With all of the animosity that they face on any given day (not unlike cops), they lean heavily on each other so that everyone can come out with as much profit as possible. In other words, once again, waiters know that Black people hate to tip....
If a hostess sees four Trap Stars coming into the restaurant, together with their weaved-up-skanky-looking girlfriends, she will not sit them in the same section where she just sat another Crime Mob crew; because that would be to financially punish whatever waiter is responsible for that section. Not to say that it's only the thug crowd that hates to tip, because this tip hatred amongst Black people is alive and well in the middle-class too -- maybe even more so because middle-class Black people hate to let go of money that they could easily be spending on other frivolous shit. In the end, all of this tip bullshit goes on to affect one person -- me....
Unlike the general Black consensus on tipping, my default tip is not 10%, because it's actually 20%. If I receive average service, yes, I will tip 20%. If I receive outstanding service, as a waiter, you'll fuck around and get 25-30% out of me depending on the price of the entire bill. If the service is shitty, that's when I'll leave 15%; the universal default tip (with that said though, I'll still holler at the manager to let him know of my displeasure with the service and I'll usually end up with a gift card or the like). To my dismay, as of late, I have found myself receiving shittier and shittier restaurant service -- and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm back in The D right now. This phenomenon began right before I left Atlanta, and continued all year while in the NYC. Frankly, I have no one to blame but you lackadaisical tipping ass Blacks....
Not surprisingly, the worst treatment always comes from Black waiters because face it; (1) they've grown up around enough Black people to know that we have issues with tipping, and (2) before they became a waiter, they probably didn't used to tip shit themselves. So when the Black waitress sees me, in her head, I know she's thinking, "Why would I even give this fool 25% worth of my effort when I won't even get 6% worth of tip in return -- no matter what I do?" Her thoughts would normally lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy (as it does with most Black customers) were it not for the fact that I always leave at least 15%. I do this not for her, but for your Black ass that is reading this post. I figure that if I can make her feel bad about treating me like shit, then the next time she's serving some Black people, maybe, just maybe, she'll give them the benefit of the tipping doubt. Unfortunately, my dream for equal service, like MLK's dream for equality, will never be fully attained. Both of those dreams consistently fail because Black people always shoot themselves in the foot the minute that progress seems imminent -- be it social equality or restaurant service equality....
To spotlight this problem, let's look at Black peoples' favorite restaurant -- Red Lobster. Even though I know that I'll be leaving 15% for the waitress -- no matter what -- from the minute that the rest of your Black asses walk up in there, you're trying to find reasons so as to keep your tip as minimal as possible: (1) "Girl, why hasn't this pager lit up yet, it's BEEN ten minutes -- well, we'll just deduct our time waiting for a table out of that bitch's tip." (2) "I know that bitch saw that we're out of cheesy bread . . . so for every minute that that basket stays empty, we'll deduct a percentage point from her tip." (3) "Girl, it looks like that woman over there got more shrimp in her damn pasta than I did -- we'll just take the missing shrimp out of that bitch's tip." (4) "Damn girl, I mean, can they brighten the lights up in here? This ain't the club, it's a restaurant. We'll just take it out of her tip." Etc....
Waiters just don't have the time to deal with Black people that morph into New York Times restaurant critics everytime they walk up into a one-star restaurant. Seeing as how they know that Black people will stiff them, logic supports most waiters' actions to treat Black people like shit so that they can better focus on pleasing other races of people that don't foster as much contempt towards "the tip." I wish I could close this post out better, but, I really don't know what else to say after everything else that I've put down so far. For the lack of a better expression, Black people, get your shit together as pertains to "the tip"; I'm tired of suffering the consequences of your dumbass hang-ups. Peace....
Excellent insight! My background knowledge on the inner workings of a restaurant really made me enjoy this blog. Let me just add that 95% of the shit people are mad at is really not the waitresses fault. I think I'll blog about this next...
"Frankly, I have no one to blame but you lackadaisical tipping ass Blacks...."
Or you could blame the servants who classify you with the "lackadaisical tipping ass Blacks" as if your phenotype determined your proclivity to part with cash.
It's just a theory to avoid the clap trap of self-hatred. I've found that if you want service, greeting your waiter, asking their name (if they don't introduce themselves), and being pleasant works wonders. We're too often short with one another when a bit of patience and a little love would carry the day. Or, you could throw money at the problem.
Great stuff. As a restaurant goer and former waitress, I see the struggle between the two. Black people have got to let go of the 10% tip, this isn't the 80's!!
Why can't the black folks just get along?
Why are you in Detroit? visiting, interning, or hanging for the summer?
TIPS is an acronym for "To Insure Professional Service"
The initial goal of a tip was to give the money to the person prior to the service being rendered - hence the better the tip, the better the service.
A BFF of mines worked in a restaurant and he told me that the WORST tippers, by far are: Hispanics, Blacks, and Single Mothers - not necessarily in that order. Incidentally, these are also the same group of people that are the most requesting, high maintenance (BBQ sauce on the side, Xtra "fill in the blank") folks that had him running back and forth to the tables like an African Banshee.
He told me that there is a running joke in the service industry for restaurant servers.
Q: What's the difference between black people and a canoe?
A: The canoe will tip.
ANYWAY, my thought processes is comparable to you. Most people are so busy trying to calculate (read: nickel and dime) a tip is painful to witness. Technically, all they have to do is take the tax, and double it. That will take them well over the 15% mark. But I don't do 15 percent - again it's comparable to your own practices.
I have heard INNUMERABLE excuses from black folks talking about what they can and cannot afford for a tip - if in fact that is the case, then (1) you need not go out and (2) you need to lay off of the Maitinis and the Mojitos to jack up your bill.
And, leaving no tip doesn't do anything for a poor waiter/waitress. They could believe that the diswasher took it, or that you forgot to include it on the dotted line. They should be left the respectable amount (or less, depending on your disposition). They will either learn, or get out of the business.
"I have heard INNUMERABLE excuses from black folks talking about what they can and cannot afford for a tip - if in fact that is the case, then (1) you need not go out...."
P, I couldn't have put it better myself. If you plan to get frustrated once your tip calculator comes back with a figure that you don't like, then stay your ass at the house!!! And yes, cheap ass people do always need something extra -- be it the BBQ Sauce as you mentioned, or Hidden Valley Ranch, A-1, hot sauce, etc....
Great points as usual though; I figured you'd feel this one seeing as how you and I tend to have the same qualms about our people at times. Peace....
I was attending a class last year and I went to dinner with one of my classmates--from Japan. He started with his calculator and asked me what is the customary percentage for the tip. I don't really stick with the 17% idea, because dependent on the bill, it may add up to a$$, leading to a disheartened server.
I tend to throw a lil extra, just cause. I was a server in my early days and had plenty friends to serve in that capacity, as well. You tend to understand how insulting it is to have someone hold back on you.
I think I'll have to say something to my co-workers. It seems that in the course of maintaining a budget or whatever, when going out to lunch they'll leave a tip of $1 each. This will amount to $2 or $3. For a restaurant that has the majority of its business during the lunch hour, this just seems blatantly cheap. I should mention that each individual's ticket averages $5-$6, though.
Man, this had me rolling. I thought it was just at the bar that I worked at. It's funny because when I started working at the bar it was a dance club playing techno (i.e. mostly white patrons) and even if the night was slow we'd all go home with good money in our pockets. Only the owner was mad because he would make no money off the door. Then the owner switched the club to a hip hop club (i.e. mostly black patrons) and within a week we were seeing our pockets deflate while having to run around even more. It's like it hurts us black people to tip. The owner was happy though because when the amount of people coming into the bar tripled his door money was straight. We lost five good employees to the fact that no one was tipping. They all went to neighboring techno or rock clubs.
Man, don't even get me started on Black people and clubs....
Ironically, the reason that you weren't getting tipped as much when the Black crowd started frequenting your club is because Blacks love nothing better than to show up at a bar/club ALREADY shit-faced drunk.
Before I left Atlanta, Happy Hour at Dave and Busters became THE thing for Black people on Friday nights. After about two years of this carrying-on, one of the managers came out and publicly said that he wanted the Black crowd out of there because the restaurant was losing too much money from (1) Black people just coming to the bar and not buying anything and/or not tipping; and (2) White people not being able to purchase anything from the bar due to the 8 million Black people in the way who were already drunk off the bottle of Grey Goose that they bought on the way up there. When Black people started talking about a protest, the mangager was basically like, "THANK-YOU!!!" Shit, a protest is only as successful as the money a business will be losing -- not GAINING now that your people aren't impeding other races of people from actually spending money.
As to your personal story though, it's sad to hear that a bunch of White people high off of X-tacy had enough sense to tip you more than my people. When will it stop?
Hilarious Again, & Too Damn True. It's embarrassing to even sit at the table with a party of 4 or more when inevitably some cheap-ass either tries to pay exactly the cost of their meal or they break out a Calculator/Slide Rule trying to break the bill all the way down.
Name: Phil E-Mail: Philh826@aol.com Location: New York, New York About Me: My roots in Detroit, MI, I possess a dual degree in Criminal Justice/Sociology from Georgia State University in Atlanta, and will be adding a law degree to those credentials this upcoming May in an attempt to help our young brothers and sisters who continue to get caught up in the bullshit of our criminal justice system. I just so happen to detest 99% of all New York Hip-Hop critics; you know, the ones who start shit by generalizing YOUR particular cultural situation knowing good and damn well that most of these fools haven't set foot in all five boroughs, let alone your locality. Nevertheless, through their ethnocentrism, they somehow corral the arrogance to tell you why their lives, regional culture, and musical tastes are superior to yours. Shiiiit. Born in L.A., I've lived in Detroit, ATL, NYC, (a temporary stint) in DC, and have managed to step foot on four continents. There is no way in hell that I could take one more "intellectual" NYC Hip-Hop critic trying to stunt on me with their baseless "sophisticated and cosmopolitan" views. In recognition of my irritations, I bestowed upon the world this blog. Peace...
Excellent insight! My background knowledge on the inner workings of a restaurant really made me enjoy this blog. Let me just add that 95% of the shit people are mad at is really not the waitresses fault. I think I'll blog about this next...